AND ON THE FIFTH DAY the Lord said unto Noah, he said: “Noah. There’s an almighty great flood coming, so you’ve got to learn how to build a seriously whacking great ark, and build it double-quick, coz the flood’s coming in just two Sabbaths time.”

And Noah replied, “stack me, that’s cutting it a bit ruddy fine, God, old boy. Could you not have warned me sooner?”

HE WAS LEAFING THROUGH THE BOWLY HIGHBAL.

“What’s this Genesis?” he demanded. “Wasn’t Phil Collins in that?”

Without waiting for a reply, Daftas continued impatiently. “And what the giddy aunts is Leviticus – some kind of huge creature?’

HE SAILED ACROSS THE SEA OF GALILEE till he came to the eastern shore, where the steep cliffs of the Bashan Plateau drop close to the brink of the water’s edge.

Here the slopes descended so swiftly, almost into the sea that local animals already started downwards, could not avoid plunging headlong into the depths.

This was the country of the Gergesenes, where ancient catacombs peep out from the face of the hills. It was here that he came upon the demoniac from the tombs . . .

PETER SAID TO SIMON: “Who are you?”

And Simon said, “I’m a Jew. Who are you?”

And Peter replied, “I’m a Jew, too.”

Then Simon said to Peter: “Well, how about that? We’re both Jews!”